girl text messages found in fiances phone?

Question by km5686: girl text messages found in fiances phone?
My fiance and I had trouble communicating these past couple of months. Seems all too ironic that our life issues both got the best of us and interfered with our relationship. I had begun to experience severe anxiety all the time. Worrying he was secretely doing something behind my back that I would not be happy about; in my world ignorance is NOT bliss – honesty is appreciated though. So I felt like I was having anxiety again and had a huge HUGE hunch that he was reaching out to someone via text message.I made the mistake and went through his phone and found out he was reaching out to someone named “Debbie” and I read through about 5-7 texts between them and it was very nonchalant referencing another girl named “Katie”. The text began my fiance saying to this “Debbie” girl asking her if she joined a gym, if she liked it and that he was thinking about joining soon too. Debbie responded saying “good. do it” and my fiance said “yes probably will” time goes by and my fiance says “give me a call and we will chat about your friend” and Debbie replies “yes, I will find out Katie’s work schedule for this week, I go back on Wednesday” and my fiance goes, “haha ok, I am seeing a girl right now but we are having some issues so who knows whats going to happen, so wouldn’t be wrong just to meet her” and the woman ends with “right.” My heart broke reading that. I then tried to confront my fiance and he got so angry and said “why are you going through my things again?!” I said I couldn’t help it because I had a feeling he was doing something and this only solidifies that?! He denied it and said Debbie was a friend he knew from work and he does not know who Katie is. That I took it the wrong way. Needless to say, we are no longer engaged. I called it off – I gave the ring back to him, I moved out and back in with my parents. We have done counseling and I have brought the text up and each time he denies it. Saying it was work related for a sale that he loves me and lives with me why would he ever think of meeting anyone else. Part of me believes this, but the anxiety stricken part of me worries what if I wasn’t good enough? I am a pretty 26 year old who has unfortunately had a rough past and a divorce already under my belt. I know what I deserve – I have continued to bring this text message issue up because I cannot let go. I am looking for an honest answer and I would respect that if he said “ya know, at the time you and I were having problems and I did think about meeting her friend, but I am sorry and it was very wrong of me and I won’t do it ever again” BUT I have not heard that!? He is really telling the truth? Or is he just believing his own lie and expecting I do the same. He has told me I need to forget about that text – it was nothing and I blew it out of proportion. BUT any normal loving girl wouldn’t forget about something like that…why can’t he understand this? Any idea???
Thing is – he has admitted he made some mistakes (nothing specific though). Said hes not good as communicating and he has somethings he needs to work on. He wants this to work out and part of me does too – but now my walls are up. Do you think I should give him the benefit of the doubt? I feel like I cannot emotionally move past this text message unless I hear what I feel is the truth.

Best answer:

Answer by Missy
Sounds like he has moved on and unwilling to make it work with you two if he is already setting dates with other women. Ditch this guy, he is isn’t interested in commitment apparently. Good thing you found out now, and not after you married him!

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4 thoughts on “girl text messages found in fiances phone?”

  1. I’m really sorry about what happened…. I think ur a really smart, logical and a mature woman…Calling the wedding off and moving back to ur folks was the first step….EXCELLENT…. You can try therapy, but sweetheart, realize that once a cheater, always a cheater. You should stop investing ur precious time on this guy and move on, find someone worthy who appreciates you and loves you, and wouldn’t think of spending time with another woman. Ur fiance will never accept it, and even if he does, makes no difference…. Hussain intentions matter, not if he’s pleads guilty or not… I hope you find your knight and have a wonderful life.. All the best!!!

  2. I went threw the same thing with my soon to be ex husband he lied to me for years about his women friends and I was to blind to believe he would do that to me. But im telling you now don’t believe him if he could text another women asking about her friend and wanting to meet her then he has thoughts of cheating and if he has those thoughts then he is not really committed to you. Trust me I have sense moved on and with out looking found the most amazing man ever. Not all guys act like this there really are some guys out there that want to be with you and only you take time off from the dating scene. Have a little fun and you will find that when you least expect it you will find someone who deserves you. But trust me if you take that guy back odds are next time you wont find a text message you will find that he has actually cheated with another women and it will hurt you worse.

  3. Here is what I think:
    #1 – If you go through his phone, you don’t trust him and who wants to be in a relationship where you are constantly worrying the other person is cheating.
    #2 – If you already broke up with him, why would you put yourself back in the heartache?
    #3 – The text message said,”haha ok, I am seeing a girl right now but we are having some issues so who knows whats going to happen, so wouldn’t be wrong just to meet her.” That doesn’t sound like a business meeting
    #4 – Lets say it was a business meeting. You want him to admit the truth and he says he is telling you the truth but you don’t believe him. No matter what he says,

  4. You and him having life issues.
    He’s not sure just what he wants in the relationship.
    You have an invasion of privacy!

    Men do not know what they want in life.
    They try to show that they do!
    But ! They don’t!

    I’m not testifying for him!
    Maybe he is just trying to get rid of some wild oats!
    Or! He was preparing for the worst!
    THE END!!!!!!!!!
    Breaking it off!!!!

    If you want him!
    And he wants you!
    Your going to have to lay down some thing’s b4 marriage in writing!!

    LIKE “These are the things I’m looking for in you!” And to him the same!”
    As you know!
    Nothing flows like water!!!

    I think he needs to know you are in it for not only love, sex!
    But! those things you cannot put a price/value on!
    Those things that last 4evr + 2days!!
    He maybe in it for the sex only and telling you that he loves you.

    There! That is where you need to find/figure out just where his heads at!!!!
    Let’s hope it’s not up that body cavity!!!!!

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