Question by km5686: girl text messages found in fiances phone?
My fiance and I had trouble communicating these past couple of months. Seems all too ironic that our life issues both got the best of us and interfered with our relationship. I had begun to experience severe anxiety all the time. Worrying he was secretely doing something behind my back that I would not be happy about; in my world ignorance is NOT bliss – honesty is appreciated though. So I felt like I was having anxiety again and had a huge HUGE hunch that he was reaching out to someone via text message.I made the mistake and went through his phone and found out he was reaching out to someone named “Debbie” and I read through about 5-7 texts between them and it was very nonchalant referencing another girl named “Katie”. The text began my fiance saying to this “Debbie” girl asking her if she joined a gym, if she liked it and that he was thinking about joining soon too. Debbie responded saying “good. do it” and my fiance said “yes probably will” time goes by and my fiance says “give me a call and we will chat about your friend” and Debbie replies “yes, I will find out Katie’s work schedule for this week, I go back on Wednesday” and my fiance goes, “haha ok, I am seeing a girl right now but we are having some issues so who knows whats going to happen, so wouldn’t be wrong just to meet her” and the woman ends with “right.” My heart broke reading that. I then tried to confront my fiance and he got so angry and said “why are you going through my things again?!” I said I couldn’t help it because I had a feeling he was doing something and this only solidifies that?! He denied it and said Debbie was a friend he knew from work and he does not know who Katie is. That I took it the wrong way. Needless to say, we are no longer engaged. I called it off – I gave the ring back to him, I moved out and back in with my parents. We have done counseling and I have brought the text up and each time he denies it. Saying it was work related for a sale that he loves me and lives with me why would he ever think of meeting anyone else. Part of me believes this, but the anxiety stricken part of me worries what if I wasn’t good enough? I am a pretty 26 year old who has unfortunately had a rough past and a divorce already under my belt. I know what I deserve – I have continued to bring this text message issue up because I cannot let go. I am looking for an honest answer and I would respect that if he said “ya know, at the time you and I were having problems and I did think about meeting her friend, but I am sorry and it was very wrong of me and I won’t do it ever again” BUT I have not heard that!? He is really telling the truth? Or is he just believing his own lie and expecting I do the same. He has told me I need to forget about that text – it was nothing and I blew it out of proportion. BUT any normal loving girl wouldn’t forget about something like that…why can’t he understand this? Any idea???
Thing is – he has admitted he made some mistakes (nothing specific though). Said hes not good as communicating and he has somethings he needs to work on. He wants this to work out and part of me does too – but now my walls are up. Do you think I should give him the benefit of the doubt? I feel like I cannot emotionally move past this text message unless I hear what I feel is the truth.
Answer by Missy
Sounds like he has moved on and unwilling to make it work with you two if he is already setting dates with other women. Ditch this guy, he is isn’t interested in commitment apparently. Good thing you found out now, and not after you married him!
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